It's Funnier When You Take the Time to Breathe

Elegant, tasteful, stylish, and more organized than a German train station. In a way it seems a bit dreadful that a bride needs to be all these, and possibly even 'whimsical' and 'clever', to boot.

And yet ...

Sometimes you see a little touch that rose organically from a couple who wasn't trying to be clever. They just were.

And they weren't even afraid of maybe even being a little geeky. Because somehow, they managed to relax a bit about the whole event.

And that's when you get touches like this to enliven an otherwise ship-shape, impeccable, mother-in-law endorsable bi-contintental wedding. No Big Ben centerpieces. No Big Apple groom's cake. No bridesmaids in checkerboard sashes.



Just this: clever. Funny. Perfect.

"Help! My Man Won't Marry in Brown!"

They tried to make me wear a brown tux
I said, No, No, No ...

"He won't do it." You hear the wail all over the country. Men, it seems, pose a real challenge when you consider that chocolate brown is probably the most dominant color in weddings, regardless of season.

Or maybe it's more accurate to say women hesitate to pair black and brown, and men, for their own mysterious reasons, find wearing anything but a black tux about as attractive as swapping Ovaltine for Bud as their pre-game brew of choice.

With matters this touchy, it's useful to investigate what might roil beneath the surface of the complicated male mind. Here's some fair bets:

- "Brown isn't a formal color." Time was, you'd wear brown for daytime and maybe church, but it was all black for weddings and funerals, and if you showed up in the dreaded brown, people'd know you got no class or learnin'. Of course, time was, you jostled up against 40 other kids in a one-room schoolhouse, poured molasses on your pancakes, and strapped a saddle to the family pig for fun.

Bridesmaids in Brown + Black Tuxes look pretty darn cute, too. Riecheru An

- "Marry in brown, you'll live out of town." Perhaps it's this ancient Irish wedding proverb that gives your man pause. "Out of town," here meaning you're doomed to country bumpkinhood, wearing homespun and knocking back dandelion wine instead of brandy on holidays. Probably not, though, since the next line is, "Marry in black, wish you were back," meaning "back at the singles bar."

- "Eh, I don't know." Translation: your fiancé is recalling some devastating faux pas he made around seventh grade: letting his mom perm his hair at home, or showing up at a small-town school in a pink Izod. Possibly, his memories of his sartorial choices for prom are none-too-reassuring either. Even if he logs almost as many hours on the PlayStation as he does at work, your fiancé now knows, as a grown-up, that powder-blue cummerbands are v.v. bad, and an 'experimental' tuxedo represents another potentially fatal misstep, this time in front of his coworkers.

- "Uh-uh. No way." Deep inside every 501-wearing loveable slob is a man who knows that, if things were different, he'd be too. Transport him to Victorian England, and this ramen-loving guy of yours would reveal his true self: a card-carrying member of some swanky men's club. He'd chow down on roast beef in front of a roaring fire, peek at a friend's poker hand as he taps the ashes from his cigar, pinch the brim of his bowler hat to acknowledge a racy joke, and dab at his ascot to remove that trace of gravy. In short, hidden inside your slouching fiancé is a secret gallant, and your wedding might be his only chance to show it. And men in imaginary Victorian supper clubs, even he knows, do not wear brown tuxedos.

Top to Bottom, L to R: Stephen Geoffrey Chocolate Parisian #282, 2 button double-breasted; same; After Six "Summit" in Mahogany Brown, 1 button single-breasted notch. FUBU Brown Stripe #155, 2-button single-breasted notch; Calvin Klein Cadbury Brown, 2-button single-breasted; Jean Yves Chocolate Premier Two Button Notch.

So, What to Do?

You have a couple of tacks, here.

Manipulation. The fact is, men look stunning in brown formalwear. (Some have said, black men look stunning in brown. Get a clue, sayers! ALL men look GREAT in it!)

While quite a few of your standard-issue rentals in black leave guys looking ever-so-slightly dated, and perhaps a tad like crows on stilts, the brown tuxes on the market are hot, contemporary and ridiculously flattering. If you have Photoshop skillz, perhaps you could cut-and-paste some of the finest models-in-brown-tuxes shots into a crowd that's cheering wildly for your fiancé's favorite football team. Then leave your creation in strategic places around the house, like his pillow. Then, and only then, bring it up in words.

Capitulation. If you take your fiancé's "no" at face value, but you're determined to put your bridesmaids in chocolate brown, you can still dress the men in brown vests and ties. Yes, there was once a rule about brown and black, and navy and black, and white after Labor Day, but every single one of these rules was destroyed on the catwalk decades ago, and not a minute too soon.

But ... brown vests and black tuxes? How will it look? Most brides are wary. Judge for yourself, but personally, I'd call this one of the more elegant color combinations out there.

You can always go to After Hours' "Create-a-Tux" tool and try out different browns and blacks for yourself. I find the hey-presto digital results not entirely convincing, not unlike a photo of Paris Hilton with a blue face, and yet, it might be worth worth your time.

Or perhaps more usefully, here are some photos of the brown/black combo on real-life guys (or at least, dress forms). Personally, I like the darker, less saturated browns more than the redder varieties, but that's just me.

Top to Bottom, Left to Right: After-Hours Tux Tool, Tommy Hilfiger tux with Cognac vest; Gorgeous new husband from TNBride; Chocolate Twilight tuxedo vest from Monkeysuits; Black notch tuxedo with chocolate vest set; Top2BottomKids; brown vest from MarksFormals.


If you're still not convinced, here are a few final options: pick vests in safe but still complementary colors, like latte or bisque. OR, be ultra-clever and match your guys' vests and ties to your bridesmaids' sashes, not their dresses. How much latitude does that give you? Totally enough, right?

Question: So now that you've gotten down to the bottom (all three of you), how do you plan to handle the brown/black dilemma?

Tags: brown tuxedo, chocolate tuxedo, wedding tuxedo

Essential Wedding Cake Geek Chic, Newer & Reviseder

Oh, there's so much I'd like to write about, on Very Serious Subjects, such as bridal fashion. (You in the back ... shhhh. Like I said, this is serious.) Alas, all that will have to wait until that bright, bright day when I have a brain. Because right now, my better half is out of town, leaving me in peace to work, eat paté-like substances with my fingers at the keyboard, and shower only fitfully. As a result, I'm planning an online 60-hour marathon, which is great for quantity, but quality? Not so much.

That explains today's post, on geeky grooms cakes. Hasn't the Web seem enough of geeky cakery already? Actually, I'm betting not. There's just something about the unholy marriage (pardon the pun) of the two that, geek or civilian, we all find irresistible.

Before I continue and potentially get splatted with "jumping on the bandwagon" virtual tomatoes, let me attempt to establish a bare minimum of Geek Cred. The license plate on my peeling '95 Honda actually does read "GEEKGRRL," to the horror of my older neighbors, who like to say things like, "but you're such a NICE girl!" (Hey, as long as they're saying "girl" instead of babushka or Madam Mumsytub, I'm all ears.)

To the younger, hipper, and certainly thinner Generation Y set I'm sure it looks like iM tRY-iNg 2 hrD, but the fact is, I really do like the original Star Trek, own a soldering iron (I even know how to stick weld), am trying hard to give the BBC's new Doctor Who a fair shake, and have been known to drop some hoppin' LEFT JOIN statements into my morning SQL, if only grudgingly.

Anyhow, on to the good stuff. Let me know your reactions, faves, and "whaaaaaaat?"s if you made it all the way through.



Yeah, I know, you seen these cakes so often your optometrist can trace their outlines in your retinas. Their purpose here is to set the benchmark: these two are the undisputed Napoleon and Josephine of geek cake world. Plus, you may have known that the hot bride on the left was part of an interfaith wedding (she married a non-gamer), but you might not have known the incredible detail that went into that tower of goodness.

"As you can see, the bottom layer is my fabulous Xbox 360. On top of that is my PS2 and the next layer is my Xbox. If you look closely enough, you can see the DVD remote sensor in a controller port. Topping [it all] is the limited edition 'Legend of Zelda' gold GameCube." (BoingBoing.)

Imagine communicating all that someone whose job consists of translating Alstroemeria into sugar paste.

Now onto, possibly, less known forays into dark and geeky alleys.

Left: Groom's Cake, BigDonCarlos. Right: Alliance Party cake, CakeCraft.

My brother, who's some kind of big neufchatel in World of Warcraft (and just got back from BlizzCon), tells me that it's a bit rare for diehard WoWers to find the time to get married, but I figure if he does, he'll be calling up the genius at CakeCraft. Anyone can appreciate that kind of talent. And to think that wasn't even for a wedding (but I reckon it probably convinced her guy to initiate one right off).


Left: iPod Cake by KiwiCakes. Right: iPhone Cake at iCruise_Flickr.

I had to make an editorial decision: to include or not to include cakes that weren't actually grooms' cakes? I chose the former, when necessary, IF they were so well done they could show up at a swank affair and fit right in. Like, this iPod cake — this would be my husband's if you passed on the pink, and snuck it from under his epidermis long enough to give the cake artist a chance. Actually, he's a Zen Creative guy. But whatever.

Top to Bottom, L to R: Nintendo Groom's cake at Mistybp99; Nintendo Groom's cake at PhillipWest; Xbox Groom's cake at Scuzzi; Wii Groom's cake at rufus50; Xbox Groom's cake at AboutTheCake; Xbox birthday cake at IGN.

Obviously, Gamer cakes are très au courant. Which means they provide the perfect foil for the next set of cakes, so piognantly yet unironically retro, they represent the shabby chic of the virtual world. Wander much further down this path, in fact, and you're knocking on the door of the Rubik's Cube Groom's Cake.

Top to Bottom, L to R: Laptop Groom's cake by ChocoNancy1; Laptop Groom's cake by Kimmy B; Tetris birthday cake at robbersdog49; Circuit Board cake by LittleMissMoffett.

Remember when Tetris was what cool engineers did with their HPs, and every freakin' company with a website had to plaster on the "circuit board photo" to prove their tech chops, and the "two Oxford-wearing neanderthals shaking hands" photo to demonstrate their affability? Yeah, me neither, thank God.

Left to Right: LOTR Groom's cake at KimberlyG; LOTR Book cake at Karren's Specialty Cakes.

Not much to say about this, except the world is probably host to more Ellesar & Arwen-inspired weddings than you've ever dreamed of, Horatio. Look how normal this couple seems. That's telling.

Top to Bottom, L to R: Link & Zelda Topper at Toyjunkie1; Han & Leia at Sarah Noye; Star Trek Enterprise cake at Aaron's site; Mario & Princess at Chesty Leroux.

Oddly, a Riker & Troi topper proved elusive. But you know they're out there.

Well, this just about exhausts the topic, or at least my wrist supports, so time to sign off with two last examples of interest-piquing geekery: a binary wedding cake, and a Simpsons bridal party portrait. Behold, the binary cake, which just might fly under the radar and completely escape detection by the bifocal crowd. Truly lovely, innit?

Binary Cake from Howard Gees.



I know, it's arguable over whether a monstrous hit program like the Simpsons can be classed with geek culture, but once it starts showing up on cake toppers, I think yes. To the left is an ultra-tasty Simpsons-and-hydrangea combo (you'll never think of blue hydras the same agian, willya?) brought to you by JasonAndHeather, and to the right, an ultra-clever program insert at SimplyErika. Despite its screaming hipness, you could whip up your own in a wisely-spent afternoon at the Simpsons character generator (hat tip to Heather for letting the western world know about it).

Okay, done. What'd I miss?

Tags: geek wedding cakes, geek groom's cakes, geeky cakes

On Wedding Debt: A Cautionary Tale

One thing in the wedding business you really grow to love are human voices. Few and far between, they really are like good, deep swigs of Cab or Barbaresco: you learn to anticipate, then savor them. One of my favorites belongs to Khris Cochran, of DIY Bride (the site, and soon, the book).

As we all know, weddings come with a heavy burden of perfection, and perfection comes at a price (as does "elegance"). Somehow, this price has come to seem innocuous, something to be got through in a year or two that might consist of more trips to Albertson's and fewer to Trader Joe's. But as Khris points out, the numbers still add up to a diamond-hard truth: the cost of an average wedding's not far from two-thirds of the average year's salary. Ouch.


That's fine and good, she says, as long as life goose-steps to the tune of the plans you've made. Khris had every reason to think hers would. She'd nailed a high-flying job in an industry that was pegged to make the industrial revolution a quaint historical byway. Money was flowing in so fast around the valley, no one quite knew how to spend enough on Ahi tuna, Cirque du Soleil performers or martini luges to make a dent in it. Plus, Khris knew how to manage her cash, not just make it. That virtually made her a poster girl for the responsible 30K wedding.

Yet, things went wrong.


Just about one generation ago, you knew from age five on what kind of wedding you'd have. If you wore cashmere sweater sets and a dainty pearl choker and it wasn't just the milkman who called you "Miss," you'd have a society shindig.

 

Your father paid for it; your mother directed the caterers and nodded sagely when you tried on the right gown, and jointly, your parents battled over which social contacts deserved an invitation. When all was said and done, Dad might gripe about the ailing state of his pocketbook, but you and Mr. Big started your swank new life financially unencumbered.

 

If none of these applied, you'd have a little affair at the VFW or your own backyard. A newphew was tasked with the record player, and blood relatives would show up with supersized casserole dishes on each arm. Sweet, simple, cheap. And again ... unlikely to throw any curveballs that might darken those first few years of married bliss.

These days, most people are in limbo. They might get help, but parents rarely foot the bill. Couples themselves are at their most financially vulnerable, being young in their careers. And yet, virtually everyone feels that the $30,000 wedding is within reach, and they're entitled to it. They feel this strongly. And in many cases, they get it.

 

But matter how many do, the fact is, paying for this kind of wedding is a HUGE high-wire act — unless your family is, to put it bluntly, loaded.

 

Sure, a lot of people who aren't make it across that wire. Some, for reasons that once seemed unforeseeable, don't. Virtually everyone who goes there is taking a financial risk that, in the days before wild credit and wilder debt loads, seemed like a free ticket to a sanitarium.

There's no question that the wedding of your dreams can be worth every penny you spent. But would that still be true if you spent six years paying it off on cards with rates creeping ever-higher into the double digits because one of you lost your job?

What happens if you have a $30,000 wedding, and after you send off the band and pack up the dress, life throws you a curve ball?

Tags: wedding debt, wedding cost, paying for a wedding

Cherry, Cherry Nice

Sometimes, you see something that catches your eye (to be redundant), and your whole day's plan is screwed up. Today, it was this marvelous cherry wedding cake from She Takes the Cake.

There's type of cherry cake design you see here and there, which is usually square, white fondant boxes with heaps of cherries peeking out from the turrets. It's perfectly nice, but this take was different. It seemed to capture all the sweetness of cherries and then some ... just like you might see on a tin vintage lunchbox at a really kick-butt yard sale. It was the hand-painted details that really got me. I LOVE painted cakes.


Top to Bottom, L t R. Stewart's Cherries'N'Cream soda; "Danny & Cherry" m&ms, Keiron; Cherry in dark chocolate and edible gold leaf, Brides.com. Paper lanterns and cherries in glassine bags, Martha Stewart; Cherry-motif cake by SheTakesTheCake; limited-edition Cherry Cordial Hershey's Kisses; Cherry Honey Sticks at StashTea; Almond-Cherry Soap Scrolls, YouStinkSoap at Etsy.

Why aren't more wedding themes built around this super-sexy fruit? Like their perfect partners, almonds, cherries are close cousins to the rose. If any fruit clamors for center stage at weddings, I think it's this one. Plus, go with cherries and you have the perfect excuse to have that pink and red wedding you always craved. It's sweet schoolgirl crush and grown-up passion all at once.

For me, I'd have to romance this late-summer taste bomb with some intimate gifts for guests. Little jars of potent, homemade cherry jam (surely an aphrodisiac!) paired with a scone recipe. Or sweet little sticks of cherry honey. Or, for age-old gifts of good fortune, mini-jars of honey from the local beekeeper, made even richer with toasted almonds and dried cherries.

Planning ahead? If you've got 2-4 months, you can handcraft an unforgettable cherry cordial from nothing more than vodka, cherries, sugar and brandy. Finish off each bottle with a recipe for cherry cordial + ice cream, gourmet hot chocolate or brownies, and a luxurious length of Midori ribbon.

Here's some more cherry fun to get those 'juices' flowing:

• Maybe it's just me being obsessed with dip-dyed dresses, but I think Gwen Stefani had the right idea with her white-to-deep pink wedding gown. To the right is a John Galliano's dip-dyed tour-de-force from Dior's 2007 collection. I'd love to see this ultimate-romance palette on the bridesmaids or at the very least, a flower girl.
• How cute are those pink and rose M&Ms, above?
• Rose-red paper lanterns are simple way to set the mood.
• Nobody's going to turn up their nose at the perfect cosmopolitan. Make it extra-special with flavored sugar rims, maraschino cherries or a few organic rose petals.
• Cherry Cordial Hershey's Kisses are cute, inexpensive and already a fixture at weddings.
  

A final note: I gave Stewart's Cherries'n'Cream a pass here, because people love it and the bottle is adorable. But on the whole I really dislike soda made with high fructose corn syrup, and especially specialty soda (can't they take a whole two cents from the production budget and use sugar??) Last night hubbie and I downed an entire bottle of Lorina Sparkling Orangeade (which is totally devoid of HFCS, thank you very much), and were ready to run off and join some kind of soda cult.

Tags: cherry wedding, cherries wedding, summer wedding, fall wedding

Jennie's Scrumptuous Pink & Lime Polka Dot Wedding

I was waltzing along, collecting polka dot sightings in weddings, because you can never have too many and they're kind of exciting (anyone ever turn up their nose at a polka dot/fondant cake in bright candy colors?) Of course, there's that 50s-style polka dot wedding dress by Michele Roth, but most brides are probably not opting for that. Which is okay, because we still have a broad field of polka-dotty favors, invitations, placecards, and lots and lots of gorgeous grograin ribbon.

So, in pursuit of dot perfection, I focused on the Knotties, because they got it goin' on when it comes to solid, stylish ideas like this that have been working through weddings for a bit.


Top to Bottom, L to R: Tinned bubble magnets with ribbon and wax seal, SarahJanell; polka dot cake (unknown); favor boxes adorned with Making Memories Cosmopolitan Pink Line. Dot organza strapless cocktail, Alfred Angelo 6836 at Jay's Bridal; ribbon from AcademyBeldam; envelope inserts by MoonieButt. Shortbread-filled pillow boxes and dotted-ribbon invites by ChinoRican; polka dot cake by IcingDreams.

I was pretty happy with the finds. And then all of a sudden, screech. Oh, hello. That was my response when I came across Jennie's (aka Lollie) lime-and-pink polka dot explosion of a Seattle garden wedding. My next thought was, who is this? And my whole little polka dot plan was knocked askew. I simply had to talk about THIS WEDDING.

Whoever Jennie was, I just knew she had an Etsy shop and did really interesting things in her spare time (true, it turned out).

Anyhow, not to get all maudlin and broody ... but imagine showing your daughter these. I can just see some cute nine year old girl lugging out the photo album, nodding like a blasé fashionista, and then telling the neighbor kid, look how cool my mom is.

And just like I want to gobble the lobster AND the roast beef AND the chocolate dipped strawberries at an all-you-can-eat buffet, I can never look at photos like these and pick "just a few to set the mood." So here are all the ones I couldn't resist.


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You'll notice this wedding isn't just a pretty face, either. Check out the amazing interactives: see that adorable ice cream cart, the wood-fired pizza. Everyone must have showed up and said a silent "OH, yeah," as soon as they grasped what was in store for them.

Sez Jennie: "So much fun! It was such a blast to plan. I knew I wanted whimsical, but a bit classy. And I knew I wanted polka dots, but wasn't sure on the color! Then one day ... duh, hot pink and lime green! So, from there on I went a bit crazy." (By crazy, does she mean those amazing flower girl dresses or the hand-sewn ring pillow?)

"I wanted to do a lot (all) of the work myself! I had to have it playful — hence the photo booth, popsicle cart, candy buffet, hula hooping and so on. If I could do it again, I wouldn't change a thing ... except maybe have Jamba Juice there! Ha ha."

I so wish that Jennie could do it again, preferably in a small rural area across the country suspiciously near to my house.

If you find yourself wondering what kind of goddess could dream up all this and do that funky sewing, you should check out her adorable shop MessAround — temporarily on hiatus, as Jennie's exhibiting at Seattle's Bumbershoot, but check back in mid-September. Or, check out her full wedding photostream at Flickr. Not to be missed.

A Super-Sweet 50's Style Wedding

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Top to Bottom, L to R: Clear Rhinestone ear clips by Michelle's Vintage Jewelry; Birdcage Mini Veil by Leah C; "Sweet Innocence" Beaded Bag by OhTwoVintage (Etsy). Lorina pink and yellow lemonade at PopSoda; Personalized cocktail napkins at For Your Party; French apothecary jars at Charles Keath. Vintage china, cupcakes and feather birds at The Utterly Sexy Cafe (hat tip to Bridalwave); White wedding cake and vintage topper by AteToTheBar; Signature Pastel petits fours by Dragonfly Cakes; Sugar Cookie lip balm by MyWeddingFavors; "Maya" by Michelle Roth.

The fashion mags might be dripping with heavy glamour from the 30s and 40s, but what could be cheerier than a 1950s-style wedding that's all sweetness and light?

Take a pass on the Lauren Bacall lips and eyes with some goes-down-easy pastels, a touch of adorable eyelet, a fresh face (and flyaway veil), and anything else that brings to mind the lighter side.

 

Because while it's true that today you most often see tattooed rockabilly couples making the 50's wedding theirs, you don't have to sport 'I Love Mom' anywhere on your body or roar away on a motorcycle to have one.

Here are a few ideas for setting the stage. Follow up with your own!

The Decor ...

• Vintage china, with lots of chintz and lovely gold banding. Scour thrift stores for gorgeous tea cups and blooming platters.
  
• Flower-topped cupcakes on tiered pastry stands (tuck hand-embroidered doilies underneath for extra points.)
  
• Sweet pink parfaits in tulip-style sundae dishes.
  
• Feather bird decorations, popping up on picks, or scattered around centerpieces and cake stands. Love them feather birds!
  
• Retro-cool matches and cocktail napkins.
  
• Milk cans you've spray-painted enamel white, and filled with flowers (perfect for lining the walkway).

The Edibles ...

• Apothecary jars are all the rage when it comes to candy buffets, but yours will be the sweetest of all when you top them off with pastel Necco wafers or savory herbal penny candy from the past.
• Cake designers do get requests for retro-style cakes, complete with stairs, tiers and fountains, but personally I think those cake horrors aren't so far in the distant past that we should go there, just yet. Much more elegant and totally pleasing to the eye: a simple, white cake-on-cake creation with a gorgeous retro topper.

The Fashion ...

• Sweet beaded clutches.
• A full a-line gown over a petticoat, so it goes "out to there," with a blast-from-the-past neckline (sweetheart, square or bateau, say) over a pair of sassy sandals with some glitz.
  
• A lace bolero, or a cashmere shawl in pretty baby blue or pink.
  
• A bridal hair band, tiara or an updated birdcage.
  
• For him, four words: white tuxedo. Black bowtie.

The Bling ...

• The best part is shopping for jewelry! As always, I love Michelle's Vintage Jewelry for their accessible prices and irresistibly sparkly finds (no lack of rhinestones there). Treat yourself to some delicious ear clips, or pick up some one-of-a-kind brooches to pin to your best girls' sashes.

Tags: 50s wedding, retro wedding, vintage wedding, 1950s wedding